Oh mystery meat sauce, what is your mystery?

Sarmenti couldn’t stand it. He knew that the half orc goliath barbarian gourmand chef was messing with his food. Ever since the mystery mysteries adventure, Sarmenti was waiting for the gang to get him back for his amazing practical joke, but it hadn’t happened yet. Every day, he opened his door slowly and peeked outside.

Every person who threw their pot to piss in out their window seemed to be pointing it at him.

He couldn’t stop worrying about where the next ironic attack might come from. He was crumbling under the pressure to be more ironic.

Thorgath brought him his new steak meal, again. The Grande Steak Extravaganza With Meatballs and Mystery Meat Sauce showed up on the menu the day after Sarmenti brought the boys over to the House of the Red Sash and tricked them into cleaning the sheets. Somehow this mystery meat sauce was a grand joke meant to fool him into eating what must be something absolutely terrible. He knew how practical jokes worked, since he was so good at them. He was convinced that the mystery was something to be feared.

Sarmenti took his fears to Cain, looking for a confidant. As soon as Cain heard what he said, he jumped up and dashed to the kitchen, demanding that Thorgath tell him what was in this “mystery meat sauce”. Thorgath had no idea what Cain was going on about, he was completely innocent of any of Sarmenti’s advanced, diabolical thinking. As Cain turned around, he murmured under his breath “Sarmenti”. Hearing this name, Thorgath realized that Sarmenti was complaining about his food, he popped rage, searched for Sarmenti and ended up in the basement, attacking the tree trunks that supported the structure, causing the entire building to shake violently.

Sarmenti was already outside by the time Thorgath was looking for him.

Gundigoot was lighting his spliff when he saw Sarmenti lurking outside.

“What’s going on, Sarmenti?”

“I think I complained about Thorgath’s cooking because I got caught up in my own practical joke.”

“I saw what you did, and I’ve been waiting for this to come to a head.”

“Help me, Gundigoot, I can’t go back in there like this… I could use minor illusion and”

“Magic is never going to work on someone as simple as Thorgath. He is going to have to see whatever it is that we do for himself. I have an idea. How’s your spittake?”


Gundigoot motioned for a fey creature to appear and it did. He asked it to go get a giant slug from the Druid’s Grove and have its soul moved on so they could use its body for a ritual. The sprite flew off and returned within an instant with a dead giant slug.

“How’s your gag reflex?”

“ok, I guess?”

“Just put this in your mouth and get ready to spit it up when I tell you to.”

“But I don’t…”

“You don’t have to understand, just follow my lead.”

Gundigoot peeked in the door, motioned to Cain and then looked back at Sarmenti.

“Put it in”


Once he inserted the dead giant slug in his mouth, Gundigoot grabbed Sarmenti and shoved the door open.

“I got him! Help me Cain! Get Thorgath, we need his rage!”

Gundigoot threw Sarmenti on a table and started beating on his chest, while looking him in the eyes and shouting “I’m going to beat the devil out of him! It’s almost out! Just one minute more!”

Thorgath was running around the counter when Gundigoot warned “Sarmenti was infected by a Slaad Tadpole! He has been out of his mind for a week!”

With one more dramatic punch to his chest, Gundigoot declared, “Here it comes!”

Sarmenti spit up the slug, Gundigoot alley ooped it to Cain, who then attacked it, knocking it to the ground at Thorgath’s feet.

Gundigoot instructed “Kill it, Thorgath – but don’t cook it! I’m going to have this thing destroyed immediately.”

And with that, Thorgath accepted Sarmenti again.

Leave a Reply